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My cousin will never drive my car again…

This morning at the lights, I had a real shock. I thought my brakes were going to fail. This was the beginning of a realisation that my cousin Tyler is absolutely a jerk.

I loaned my wagon to him while I went overseas. I got it back yesterday and I am really wondering what he’s been up to, considering I nearly sailed through a red.

Ok. So it appears I missed some vital signs. I should’ve realised that the tank on empty and the stink of stale fried chicken (found two empty take away bags under the passenger seat) were signs I needed to do a thorough examination.

It feels like I need a brake replacement. Ringwood has an abundance of places I could go, but there’s a workshop I know that has a great reputation so I’m not worried about finding a mechanic I can trust. Straight to the mechanic from work on my lunch break. There’s a great workshop in Ringwood that  services all cars. By great, I mean trustworthy, unlike my cousin, Tyler.

But seriously, what’s my car been put through over the last six weeks? I probably should’ve known better than to loan my car to someone who is glued to video games and has a countdown app for Nascar on his phone.

My cousin isn’t a terrible person but I’m having a hard time not thinking of ways to torture him when I realise the tread on my tires looks pretty grim. I have a feeling the reason he was in such a hurry to get moving when I came round to pick up my ride this morning. I’d thought he was just stretched for time.

I tried his number on my break to see if he’d fess up to anything or let me know what else to expect, but he wouldn’t answer. I booked in with the mechanic and thought of ways to casually drop into conversation with my Aunt, Tylers Mum, that he’s up for quite a bit of coin for obliterating my wheels. So what’s appropriate punishment for this gormless rev-head? Need some ideas!

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Property transfers? Section 32? Cooling Off Rules? You don’t scare me

In hindsight it was obvious, but at the time I had no idea. If I’d only known that step one was finding someone to translate all my questions about property conveyancing. Melbourne had been our home for almost eleven years and it was time to leave, but I hadn’t expected to feel so spun out.

The administration was craziness.  I’d left it up to my partner when the first home we purchased was sold to us- but now, it had been left up to me and I had no idea what I was doing. To be completely truthful, I didn’t  understand conveyancing at all. While I thought It was mandatory, I was surprised to learn that it was only a recommended service. And when I found out what a property conveyancer does, I couldn’t believe that some people actually go without their assistance.

First off, I’m not a law-minded person. As transfers are all about the laws regarding selling and buying homes, I knew I had to outsource right away. I found an amazing property transfer specialist in Melbourne who walked me through all the benefits and possible problems, explained the whole Section 32 thing- and helped me navigate uncharted territory with banks and agents.

I absolutely could not have done without her help.

The information my conveyancer broke down for me made everything manageable and I know that the control I gained from understanding what was happening at every stage during the sale of our home helped me remain calm and focused for my family as we planned around the sale and our interstate move. I’m feeling completely ambitious now, as though all the loose ends have been tied off and we can move on with certainty in the next phase of our lives. I know it’s not a feeling everyone is lucky to have after the sale of a house, but I feel certain that finding a great conveyancer has quite a lot to do with that.

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Heroic Conveyancing Academy: Thousand Year Land Sale Darkness Blade of Promised Destiny

I sure do love Japanese anime. In case any of you casuals aren’t aware, that’s a beautiful, superior form of animation from the greatest and most culturally-enlightened nation in the world…Japan. Man, those people just do everything right. I wish I’d been born there, but the best I can do is identify as half Japanese (my soul half).

I think my favourite part of anime is where they take a completely mundane or everyday subject- like golf, or food shopping- and turn them into a phantasmagorical adventure. As a matter of fact, ‘Ultimate Perfect Golf Hero’ is one of my faves. I like how the protagonist can activate a super mode that lowers his par, makes his club swings 60% more accurate and causes him to levitate off the ground while glowing.

My new addiction: ‘Heroic Conveyancing Academy!’

They’ve even taken property conveyancing and made it AMAZING. This one concerns a young conveyancer from Caulfield. That is, anime Caulfield, which was almost destroyed by a monster in 1975, and has now been rebuilt as a neo-metropolis where one in every ten-thousand people are born with an innate conveyancing gift. Anyway, he wins a scholarship to an elite conveyancing academy in Tokyo, where he quickly meets a group of quirky friends, gains three diverse love interests on his first day and is completely incompetent at everything, except when he activates the mysterious power inside of him that makes him one of the most powerful and efficient conveyancers in the series.

I mean, if I was a property conveyancing lawyer in real life, doing property conveyancing and stuff, I’d be really happy that my profession is being portrayed in a positive light. I think this one has a lot of Western appeal, particularly since it’s about conveyancing around Mentone and surrounding suburbs. Almost where I live! And there’s nothing better than the place where I live ALMOST being represented in a masterfully-crafted anime. Sugoi!!


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Why Would Anyone Leave the Congo?

As a wise man once said: “Bongo, bongo, bongo, I don’t want to leave the Congo. No, no, no, no, no, no.”

He was very insistent, but if you know his story, then you can follow his reasoning. He doesn’t want to leave the Congo, no, no, no, no, no, no, because he finds the lack of bureaucracy refreshing. Here in modern times, everything is based around tiresome things, like waiting in queues and spelling the word ‘queue’. Look at it. Just take a long, hard look, and then try to spell it without the voice in your head warbling ‘kyu-way-way-way’. I bet they don’t have time for such things in the Congo.

Then again, some people thrive off that sort of thing. I once knew a conveyancer in Brighton who basically needed paperwork to live. He was the sort who’d spend his evenings watching documentaries about the economic crisis in Uganda, and during his final years of school he took three maths subjects. It’s not really for me to judged what people like and do not like, especially when it doesn’t affect me and actually makes our strange and complicated society go round. I certainly wouldn’t know how to do conveyancing, if for some reason, all of them were raptured. Neither could I perform banking duties, real estate management, making coffee in the way that baristas do it (with all the steam everywhere) or the slaughtering of animals for meat. Cows are pretty cute, in my opinion, so I’d have my qualms about turning them into steak. But so long as it happens in a place well away from me, I’m fine with it.

So I suppose it takes all kinds to run our convoluted society. I should stop glaring at the conveyancers office in local Collingwood; it’s not their fault our society deals with so much paperwork. And so long as there are people who enjoy that sort of thing…I suppose it’s fine.


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A Melbourne Professional, Just What We Need

People don’t understand what it’s like, trying to write for a soap opera. I’ve been o the forums, I’ve weathered in indirect abuse as I see people criticising me and the team. I know they think it’s just a matter of us drawing ideas out of a hat and writing it into a script…but they’re wrong. We pour our souls into ‘Week of Our Lives’, each and every week. Otherwise you wouldn’t be getting such intricate plots, filled with well-thought-out twists and turns, overloaded with poignant character moments!

And while I’m on the subject, we’re really puzzling over how we’re going to save Veronica from both the pit of rabid lemurs and the crippling case of scurvy she got when she was trapped on the zombie pirate ship. Christmas specials are always a bit of a pain to clear up after…no problem. Honestly, I think making her go to Melbourne for property advocacy services was a stroke of genius on our part. We needed a character in Melbourne to act as a link for all the crossover episodes, and we needed to introduce one fast, especially after Briella died in that freak yacht fire. I LOVE buyers advocates and I’ve been trying to get a character on the show who does it for a while. It’s the most elegant of all the real estate professions, in my opinion. Our new guy Josh really stands out as a Melbourne local. That’s advocacy for you…trendy, hip, current and very Melbourne.

Maybe we can have Josh scouting out houseboats for a client, at which time he discovers Veronica in the abandoned pirate ship, dangling above the pit of lemurs and about to lose her grip.

Do Melbourne’s professional property advocates actually deal with houseboats? I’ll have to look into it, actually. I’m sure there’s someone on the forums who does it for a job…or they at least have connections.


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Cosmetically Assisted Aging

There comes a time in every woman’s life (and I suppose man’s life, but in a different way) where she has to accept that she’s getting older. You can be an absolute peach in your youth, and there’s certainly such thing as growing old gracefully, but you just have to let go of that hourglass figure and thick blonde locks and accept the inevitable. People get old. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last! Besides, I think I’ve aged rather well. Reggie tells me that all the time, though he always adds a cheeky wink so I’m not sure if he’s actually being serious, the sly thing.

So I’ve taught myself to be discerning with my beauty treatments. Oh, if there’s a birthday party or a big anniversary, I might get something nice done. I know all about clinics in Melbourne for eyebrow tattooing and that sort of thing. But I also have to be sensible and only get things done that will suit how I look now. I stopped colouring my grey hair years ago, so suddenly going full-blonde for a wedding is just going to look terribly odd. Eyebrow tattooing looks great at any age, though, if it’s done well!

Of course, Reggie is from a time where they didn’t really involve themselves with that sort of thing, so he thinks I’m being silly. Maybe I am, but it’s the kind of silly that isn’t hurting anyone. I feel great when I come back from the salon having had my hair curled, or I’ve gone and got myself some laser hair removal and I’m feeling lovely and smooth. Modern technology never ceases to impress. We certainly never had wonderful things like dermal fillers and laser hair removal in Melbourne when I was younger, so I’m having a ball trying them out now. But not too much, and not all at once. I’m old enough to be content with the way I look right now!