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A Melbourne Professional, Just What We Need

People don’t understand what it’s like, trying to write for a soap opera. I’ve been o the forums, I’ve weathered in indirect abuse as I see people criticising me and the team. I know they think it’s just a matter of us drawing ideas out of a hat and writing it into a script…but they’re wrong. We pour our souls into ‘Week of Our Lives’, each and every week. Otherwise you wouldn’t be getting such intricate plots, filled with well-thought-out twists and turns, overloaded with poignant character moments!

And while I’m on the subject, we’re really puzzling over how we’re going to save Veronica from both the pit of rabid lemurs and the crippling case of scurvy she got when she was trapped on the zombie pirate ship. Christmas specials are always a bit of a pain to clear up after…no problem. Honestly, I think making her go to Melbourne for property advocacy services was a stroke of genius on our part. We needed a character in Melbourne to act as a link for all the crossover episodes, and we needed to introduce one fast, especially after Briella died in that freak yacht fire. I LOVE buyers advocates and I’ve been trying to get a character on the show who does it for a while. It’s the most elegant of all the real estate professions, in my opinion. Our new guy Josh really stands out as a Melbourne local. That’s advocacy for you…trendy, hip, current and very Melbourne.

Maybe we can have Josh scouting out houseboats for a client, at which time he discovers Veronica in the abandoned pirate ship, dangling above the pit of lemurs and about to lose her grip.

Do Melbourne’s professional property advocates actually deal with houseboats? I’ll have to look into it, actually. I’m sure there’s someone on the forums who does it for a job…or they at least have connections.


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Got to Get Myself Some Walls

Personally, I’m still waiting for the great crash. That’s what it’ll be called: the Great Crash. Just add in whatever year it happens- probably soon- and you’ll have your event, which is definitely coming, in which all our electronic data will be erased. Why do you think I was so keen to get a leg up in the property market? You have to jump on this stuff really early, otherwise the Great Crash will wipe out any record that you owned everything and the world will descend into chaos. Of course, it’ll be tough defending my home from the wandering, tattooed, cannibalistic petrol heads, but the fact that I own my own property also means I have some time to shore up the defences. Maybe I’ll build a moat…

Of course, I, uh…don’t really HAVE that leg up. Not just yet, anyway. There’s a lot to consider, and I only confirmed that Great Crash theory recently. I need, like, a Melbourne based buyers advocateThose people in Melbourne who go round and tell you what high-end home to buy, you know the ones. I just need to get me one I can trust, give them a list of demands and try not to raise too much suspicion. Don’t want everyone getting wind of my theory and clamouring to live in my fortress. I’ll have to play it carefully, but I think I can give a list of demands for my dream home and just make it seem like I’m the paranoid sort.

Enough land for a moat, obviously. Very high walls. Space in the basement- must have a basement, OR  sturdy loft space- for a backup generator for when the power goes down. The surrounding land can’t be solid bedrock, because I’m going to have to build a tunnel to go out for supplies and such. Then…maybe a spa bath. Always wanted one of those.

I should make this a bounty. No property advocate in the Melbourne CBD has ever had a search this challenging. They’ll need some way to fill their time…before the end…