Podiatrist’s Soulmate

“What do you think?” Mike asked, having shown Elena around her home in the Goopie. Apparently, it was in the style of modern Icelandic architecture, and somehow Mike had gotten the idea that Elena loved clown decorations. 

“I love it,” Elena said, trying not to sound extremely sarcastic. “It’s truly wonderful. Hey, I was just wondering if the jobs we are assigned are locked in, you know? I helped a lot of people find effective nail fungal infection treatments on Earth, and I kind of feel like maybe I should try something else.”

“Elena, it’s perfectly natural to have doubts about your chosen job upon arriving in the Goopie. Some people take thousands of years to truly appreciate the job assigned to them. But trust me when I say that your assignment as a pediatric podiatrist is no mistake. We don’t make mistakes here. This job was assigned to you by a complex algorithm that knows every detail about your life. Kind of like the algorithm we use to find your soulmate.”

“There are soulmates?” Elena asked, temporarily forgetting about her worries that she would have to pretend to have been passionate about treating common foot conditions. Near Cheltenham and its best podiatrist she may have died, but truly, nothing would make her more miserable for the rest of time.  

“That’s right,” said Mike. “Would you like to meet yours? His name is Chad.”

“Wow, Chad, huh?” Chad was just about the hottest name she could imagine. There wasn’t a single Chad out there that wasn’t incredibly fit and good looking. No nerd had ever been named Chad. Perhaps having a super attractive soulmate would help distract her from an afterlife doomed to helping people fix their feet. “Bring him in!”

Into the house walked a man with glasses, carrying a book. While he wasn’t super ripped, he was at least in good shape. Still, he seemed more nerd than super buff bodybuilder. 

“Hi, I’m Chad,” said Chad, with a dorky smile. “I’m your soulmate!”